What America forgets….

It’s been a bit over 2 weeks since the earthquake hit Haiti and not only is it fading from the news headlines but just about all the reporters that were out there reporting, blogging, and tweeting daily have returned home as well – leaving it almost impossible to get even a glimpse of what my husband is seeing, experiencing, and may be doing out there without having to go thru many Google searches on the unit or ship. Yes, the military has its site we can read articles on (but never really say anything new besides fluffy “this is a wonderful deployment” stuff) and see pictures as well as the Ship having a fan page where there is a post almost every night  – but it’s not enough.

This ‘indefinite’ deployment is not only difficult because my husband JUST got home from his 7 month deployment but also because we have no light at the end tunnel. My youngest daughter who is 2 was just beginning to get used to him and then for her – he just disappeared AGAIN. My oldest is more resilient than I at times, but it does not cease her from asking while out on base:  “why are there other marines still here (in USA)?? Why didn’t they go??” She feels her time was cut short with her daddy – especially since they were beginning their weekly daddy/daughter ‘dates’.

Yes, I can very well see how this deployment can be a ‘noble’ and ‘dignified’ one but even so it is not enough to heal the wounds my heart now has in having to fix my broken family AGAIN. I get that Haiti needs help and I understand with a full heart of compassion that the people have less than nothing today, tomorrow, and probably next week but I want my husband home, not only for me, but mainly so my girls can know  who he is AGAIN. I want my girls to know what daddy loves to do after work, what daddy’s favorite breakfast meal is, to hear his stories FROM him, and so on.

I want Haiti to get all the help possible to make the country better than it was seconds before the earthquake hit but I want my husband to be a father in person to my girls more. I don’t know why the powers that be decided it would be a great idea to re-deploy a unit that just got back not even 6 weeks ago and even more so why they would make this an ‘indefinite’ deployment with the knowledge that ‘work ups’ for their next deployment was in the near future. I feel forgotten – I feel my girls were forgotten, my mother-in-law was forgotten, my sisters-in-law, my brothers-in-law, my family was forgotten. How is the great ‘American Family’ supposed to grow in love and respect if we are never together?

And for all those people who loooovvvveee to say: “Well you knew what you were getting into when you married him (a military man)”. YES I DID but it didn’t turn me into an emotionless zombie! Wouldn’t it be just a little bit odd if I happily waved my husband goodbye and rushed him out the door saying: “go do what you signed up for – happy you’re leaving – see you when they send you back!” with an impatient smile???

Um, yea – trust me I’m fully aware that I married a deployable man but I am allowed to miss him and I am allowed to want him home ESPECIALLY since he just got home from a 7 month deployment. ALSO, for you’ sayers’ of that retched statement, I’m curious to know what it is you tell mothers, sisters, brothers, and children when they exclaim wanting them home too? You certainly can’t use the “you know what you were getting into” with them.

It also is truly a stab in the heart when fellow Americans can’t support us wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, and children when we miss our men and express our natural-normal emotions. A little compassion at times would be nice. It’s even more heart-wrenching when a person, who claimed to be a Navy Vet, crudely told wives on a website “suck it up people! They’ll get home when their job is done! Am not joking & as a US Navy Veteran I am NOT stating an opinion. None of you were issued in their sea bag – there are bigger fish to fry. Get control of yourselves people!” (and yes that is a DIRECT QUOTE ) I was shocked that someone would even go that far to say such a thing. So is he suggesting I turn to my crying 2-year-old as she asks for her daddy and tell her ‘get a hold of yourself’?? It’s clear, to me at least, that this person must have never had anyone that cared about him enough to miss him while he was gone and thus why he has his sour note but people like this – to me, your simply unforgivable.

It takes a lot of strength, patience, and love to be a military wife, this is known already, but what a lot of people don’t know is that piece of respect, honor, and pride is just as loud and clear when our husbands are home or deployed. We miss and wish them to be home but not once, not ever, not even a millisecond do we not have pride in our men, honor our country, and respect the military. THAT to me is a challenging emotion that I face daily and even more so on deployments and thus far, my 6 ingredients of a military wife are all there – STILL.

So while I hope days go by quick, I find myself in a battle of not wanting to wish my life away either – this is just ‘it’ for now. I don’t know how long my husband will be gone, I don’t know what he is doing, I don’t know when my girls will see their daddy, and I don’t know if there is a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. This is just the story of the “I DON’T KNOW DEPLOYMENT”

“Patience is nothing but the art of concealing your impatience”

~ Guy Kawasaki

Advertisements

8 Responses

  1. My heart churns with aches as I read you words. I feel so sad for you and your girls and all the pain mixed with courage that you must battle with and for daily. I cannot imagine the pain of being in your shoes, although working with clients and their families who have served multiple deployments I have seen the effects all around me.

    My heart, thoughts, and prayers are with you!

    Teresa

  2. Well said. There is nothing I can say except hang in there. Deployment stinks, there is no getting around that. I hope your husband returns soon!

  3. I hear ya girl..very good post, well written and spot on.

    Lots of hugs to you and your family!

  4. I am also infuriated by the people who say,” well suck it up you knew what you were getting into.” It’s a ridiculous and hurtful thing to say. The worst thing is that often it comes from other military spouses who should know better! Only about 1% of the total population serves in the military, and only a small percentage of those people deploy, so military spouses need to stick together and support each other, we’re the only ones who really know what other milspouses are going through!

    We are gearing up for my husband’s second 12 month deployment and I can totally sympathize. Tell the naysayers to shove it! You are entitled to your feelings and there are other milspouses that support you!

  5. The sucking it up comment must be from a NAVY vet without a good homelife…I know your husband would prefer to be with his family. Sucking it up has nothing to do with anything. It infuriates me to read statements like this. Anyway-when your daughter asks again why the other Marines are still here and your father is gone, maybe tell her: He is so special that he is desparately needed to help.
    Well, it still hurts having the family torn apart …

  6. My fiance is in Haiti too. This is so well written, I couldn’t have expressed it any better myself! Thank you for posting this 🙂

  7. What you say about others lack of sympathy for the loved ones of those in the military is all too true. The “you knew what you were getting into thing” is such an invalid statement…we cannot help who we fall in love with and these fellows are more than worth loving and being there for! But we also need someone to be there for us…

  8. […] I felt that her open letter to the military is very poignant and expresses the frustration that the ‘homefront’ is dealing with. Therefore, I decided to post it here as well. Also read: What America forgets. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: