Letter To My Daughter

Homecoming has come and gone. Our family is once again complete! This post is a letter I began to write to my oldest daughter prior to homecoming. My husband and I decided to keep homecoming a surprise from her and her little sister – and although it was difficult, it was well worth it. I wanted to share here the letter I intend on giving my daughter one day – she is my everything and I hope with all she has gone through in her little life’s years, she never not knows that.

Dearest Daughter,

Today your daddy is coming home from deployment and you have no idea. It has been so difficult to keep this very happy secret from you but I felt it would be such a great surprise.  I imagine you walking towards the buses completely unaware your little heart’s wish for daddy to be home come true unexpectedly and you and your little sister scream ‘daddy’ and run into his arms filled with tears of joy and happiness (and I running behind crying as well).

You both have tearfully missed your father and had your share of bad days for such a young age. Each of your emotions have been tested and forced to mature rapidly from infancy to that of a young adult. You alone have endured more sorrow and heart aches than most adults can handle and yet your little heart understands it as a part of our lives even though your tender logic does not permit you to fully value what and why your daddy ‘goes away’.

I hope that when you read this letter you find yourself proud and prideful for the commitment your daddy did for the military, our country, people in America, and most of all – our family. You have experienced and accepted so much sacrifice and change than I have in my life so far – and yet you never cease to amaze me in how your faith, love, and strength has never been shaken.  Although you are so young, you not once have felt ashamed or abandoned from the side effects that come along with being a military family. In this present day you understand your father to be a hero and my hope is that you never stop thinking that way because a hero he will forever be – don’t let anyone ever tell you anything different.

Since you are still in your youthful-bliss years, I don’t go into details about why and exactly what your daddy does for our country only because you are still incapable of fully understanding the intricacy of our nation’s politics. Today, your infantile mind permits you to comprehend that our military is formulate and utilized to protect America. Just this past year we openly discussed the events of September 11, 2001 after you saw a video clip on the news of the airplane crashing into a building you will never see or visit (as I did). In tears I explained to you in a level you could grasp as to what this meant for our country and the people who live here. I was initially concerned that I might be planting a seed of fear in you, but instead your response was you telling me how glad you are that your daddy is part of a military that fights to make sure that never happens again.

Even with this most recent deployment, for humanitarian relief, you found yourself struggling with your emotions of pride and sadness because you missed your daddy. You were simply teased with a 2 week visit before your daddy received orders to redeploy and although you cried and pouted, your selfless heart couldn’t wait for help to reach the children of Haiti who had less than nothing. You felt compassion without ever knowing the word and already recognized how fortunate you are to have life’s perks and pleasures at arm’s reach.

I am so proud to be the mother of such a jovial, sensitive, intelligent, and empathetic little girl. Many times I wonder if our life’s circumstances have resulted in you growing up too fast and possibly missing out on being ‘just a kid’. With your humbleness and kindhearted ways you constantly put yourself in second place to the world. You silently watched my breakdowns and frustrations on those very trying days and did all you could to help and ease my pains. I hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me for the times I yelled and lost patience like a scorpion whipping around my tail because I too missed your daddy and lost my hold on control. Every now and then I allowed my aggravation to seam out of my pores from the pressures of handling the homefront on a deployment – please forgive me for those unnecessary moments. I am not and never will be a perfect mother and just as I learned and grew from my mother I wish and pray that you too will take in the good and bad and always aim to be better than I for your children if you ever desire to be a mother.

I don’t know what the Lord has planned for our family and/or how many more deployments we will have experienced by the time I give you this letter but if there is one thing I hope you never stop knowing it is how much you and your sister mean to me and your daddy. Our life’s trials, tribulations, sacrifices, and unknowingness is consistently tolerable with one single thought of you and your sister. Our life is made easy because of you girls. God gave us the most special and fragile gifts we could ever receive and we truly and honestly cherish and treasure each and every moment with you two.

I look forward to watching you become a tween, teenager, young adult, and adult. I don’t expect it to be an easy task – to sit back and observe you make your life’s decisions as well as watching you fail to learn from your own mistakes. I can only trust that we have provided you with valuable life experiences, exposed you to the world in a way that permits you to assess and distinguish good from bad, and (most of all) supplied you with faith and trust in our God that He will always provide you your needs – just as He has done for our family so far.

You are a beautiful little girl inside and out. Your childlike honest ways give you an advantage to most adults, including myself, as to what an imperfect human being should be. I can’t wait to learn more about you and from you. I expect you to continue to amaze me in all the years to come. And please never ever forget that: No matter the day, no matter the time, no matter the weather, no matter whatever…I will love you forever and ever.

Love you to the moon and stars (plus infinity!),

Mommy

 

HOMECOMING

Semper Waiting

A military wife knows more than anyone what it feels like to wait and wait and wait. We wait for deployments, we wait for homecomings, we wait on official word, we wait on getting leave, we wait for orders, we wait on emails, we wait on phone calls, well  (you get what I mean) we are simply – Semper Waiting Spouses.

Since my last blog post, I finally got an official homecoming date for the husband (woohoo!) after waiting over 2 long gruesome and lonesome months. But even with a visible date in the near future I still find myself waiting! Waiting for it to hit me that this is not just another rumor, waiting to hear more details, waiting for the ACTUAL day to come, and waiting to hear what’s next!

All in all, it makes for a good recipe for ANXIETY. Have you ever been at the commissary or Target and gone to the checkout lane and thought to yourself you chose the ‘wrong-slower’ lane or got that ‘the other line always moves faster’ feeling? As you stand there and ponder these thoughts in your mind your anxiety begins to rise and thus the ‘wait’ becomes intolerable. Well, for me – I feel like at times living to military life I’m doing nothing more than waiting on-line – the wrong , slow line.

Anxiety is simply the way we react to stress. Some handle it better than others and some can’t handle it at all. Anxiety is a feeling of fear, apprehension, worry, and nervousness. Most times anxiety is justified with a cause (such as the anticipation of our spouse going or coming home from deployment), but even with a reason it may come from creating out of proportion expectations to what normally may happen in the real situation. (Please read more at the National Institute of Mental Health)

Anxiety is part of life (even toddlers experience it) and it’s a very common denominator in military spouses. Explained waiting under any circumstance (at the airport, doctor’s office, and a restaurant) can be anxiety-inducing so you have to expect that waiting for your life to move forward is even double the anxiety!

Even though I am a Licensed Psychotherapist, I am no way immune to falling under the spell of anxiety over waiting. I have found myself blowing into brown paper bags and clenching my blouse as though pulling forward would allow my lungs to take a deep breath. I find myself exhausted but then can’t allow myself to sleep because of my mind is continuously thinking about all the possibilities. There are days my emotions (good and bad) are high – where I cry uncontrollably, laugh like I never have before, have lonesome bottomless-pit feelings, and have wonderful happy proud independent moments. Then there are days that I am completely emotion-less. I turn into a robotic zombie going through out my daily to-do with minimal conversations, facial expressions, and (clearly) emotion. Of course the latter is of more concern and when I recognize I am walking down hill a dark path I quickly attempt to do some damage control.

 Anxiety already runs in my family and having my husband in the military only intensifies my likelihood of being anxiety-laden. Having my background in clinical social work does, however, provide me with the ability to identify red flags even within myself (at least to a certain degree). What helps me the most to get through my anxiety-driven moments about waiting is mainly changing my thought process about the situation. Basically, confronting my fears – and as a military spouse that fear for me is: Phobia of the unknown.

Although I like change – its ‘good or exciting’ change I prefer! It is the fear of what may happen that leads to worrying, loneliness, and nervousness. I find myself at times laying alone in bed and thinking of all the negative possibilities but neither of them with an actual reason to put my mind into this whirlwind of thought. I will spend countless hours crying about what may happen, about the unfortunate stories I read or hear about, and weighing out how likely it can happen to us. But having anxiety about the unknown becomes simply redundant once I take a step back and reflect on the dent I am creating within my emotional stability because it is simply what it is – unknown!

Why should I allow my anxiety to take over about ‘possibilities’? There is a chance of the outcome being great and wonderful just as much as sad and frightening. Telling myself this when I feel choked by anxiety helps me get over the unnecessary fret. Now, I’m not saying it is easy – there are many days I just want to sulk in my worry and find optimism nauseating. But its good practice to take care of my emotional health – not only for me, but for my family too.

For many (including myself at times), eliminating anxiety of waiting completely can be an unattainable task (and depending on the severity – professional help may be required). And so, what I make as my weekly emotional health goal is to maintain a Manageable Waiting Level by creating an environment that promotes positive outlets and support to get through the difficult and challenging times of living the military life.

Here are some of my personal guidelines to conquer Semper Waiting:

 

1 – Eliminate all the Debbie-Downers in your life!

Or at least minimize the amount of involvement they have when it comes to you coping with your situation. Negativity is contagious – if that’s all you hear at some point it will be ALL you think and that is far from being emotionally healthy.

 

2 – Join a support group.

Even if it’s a virtual one! I have found my greatest support from a group of wives that created a group on FB, not knowing one another, to get through this deployment – I truly don’t know what I would have done without them on my most ‘down’ days.

 

3 – Keep busy by starting something new.

There are so many things I have on my bucket list and what a great time to start while the husband is away. During our first deployment I finally got going on ‘writing’ – it has truly been refreshing. I know of some other wives who started working out too – I say that’s two times more beneficial!

 

4 – Believing in something spiritually greater than you to help you.

For me, it is turning to God. This is probably the tool I use the most. In my most challenging moments I find it so soothing to know that  my Lord will always provide and will give me the strength I need to get through everything and in the end – no matter what happens – all things happen to bring me closer to Him.

 

5 –Communicate as frequently as possible with your spouse.

Although this may vary when our spouses are on deployment or out training – I find it important to still have a conversation about what I am feeling or felt even if the moment has passed. Just hearing my husband tell me everything will be okay or (specifically) reassure me that the military provides him with the knowledge and training he needs to survive in most situations is very comforting and reassuring.

 

6 – Talk, talk, and talk.

 Moving from place to place and leaving friends behind can make it very easy for military spouses to become introverts. For me, talking to family, friends, and other military spouses feels like the boulder that’s been on my chest has been lifted. The power of speak is often underestimated but when given a try to results are usually very uplifting.

 

7 – Have a routine.

Although most of my days are repetitive – that very structure allows my day to flow at a faster rate. I know what to expect, what’s coming next, and when it’s over. Also, having a schedule just for the purpose of nixing it is also very revitalizing!

 

8 – Laughter is the best medicine.

There is loads of research out there that describe how laughing does your body good. Some nights I keep myself up by watching comedians, like Mollie Gross and George Lopez (My two favorites!), on Youtube and now (thanks to my good friend and military spouse) looking at Jenny the Military Spouse comics. In the end I always find myself asking – why don’t I do this more often?

 

9 – Me time!

There is nothing wrong with giving yourself a break every now and then. Our mind, body, and emotions need breaks too. At first I felt guilty putting my toddler in hourly care just because I needed a moment (or two) for me. Most of the time I do nothing more than sit at the library, have a coffee (one I can truly enjoy), or run an errand alone. Not so grand for most people but it gives me the opportunity to take a deep breath before getting back into reality. Burning out can not only be devastating for a single person but it can also affect a family entirely and so, I don’t only do it for me but for my family too.

 

10 – Look in the mirror.

When I feel like my anxiety in waiting is getting beneath my skin I turn to the mirror to ask myself what I am worrying about —- > the unknown?!?! Doing this allows me to recognize that in my worrying and possibly giving anxiety an opportunity to take over will do nothing to change the outcome, be it good or bad. All I can do is trust God’s plan, trust my husband is equipped to be ‘safe’ and trust that no matter what happens….this too shall pass.

Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen.  Keep in the sunlight. 

~Benjamin Franklin

If you are suffering from anxiety, please see DISCLAIMER tab on the top of the page.

Wordless Wednesday…A Little Pink in a World of Camo

Today a very young Military wife along with her newborn baby girl will be putting to rest the man who was is her everything.

I have followed Mrs. P’s blog, A Little Pink in a World of Camo, for some time now. I love her honesty, humor, and cuteness –> her posts are always great to read. Last Wednesday, however, I found myself crying and my heart breaking for someone I never met but felt I knew. Mrs. P wrote about how her life turned upside down in a matter of seconds. On Sunday, March 14th, 2010, her husband, a USMC Cpl, died while on operations in Afghanistan. Her strength to come back to her blog and write about it already makes her a thousand times stronger than I.

As Military wives, this is our greatest fear: That our beloved doesn’t come home ‘safe’  – but when I come across something like this it becomes such a reality that it scares me even more. My heart and prayers go out to Mrs. P and her family. I pray that she continue to find strength and comfort in her wonderful memories that will live on with her forever.

This is just another reminder to truly embrace life and never take it for granted. Cherish every moment because we ultimately will never know God’s plan (nor understand it). I know I for sure took for granted the little bit of days I had my husband home before he re-deployed with no warning. We could have shared more emotions, exchanged more hugs and kisses, and just stared at each other –> but instead we chose to go back into our familial ‘roles’, chaotically setup house, and independently do our own thing only because I fell into thinking I was in a safety net of my husband being home. Now, although my situation is completely incomparable to what Mrs. P has experienced and is experiencing, it’s just that it has made me take a step back to reflect my life – our life.

Mrs. P, you are an amazing woman and yes! you will ALWAYS be a Marine Wife. God’s love and ((hugs)) to you.

Rest in Peace Cpl Jonathan Daniel Porto

 

YOU KNOW YOU’RE ON DEPLOYMENT WHEN…

I know there have been many postings like this, but with my desire to get out of my emotional deep end with this surprise and still indefinite deployment I decided to try and bring some humor to get through it all.

So here is my version of “You Know You’re On Deployment When…”

 And please….feel free to add you’re humorous moments as well

1 – Since the beginning I have never been more aware of time then now. I don’t know which is worse -> Mondays because it starts so early or Fridays because it seems like it will never end.

2 – It’s amazing how I can feel so empty inside yet when I get on my scale in the mornings the numbers just keep going up!

3 – My face has been chosen as the official sign for “PROCEED WITH CAUTION”.

4 – I hope the Husband is home soon: There more time that passes the more I am starting to look like an inside-out Ugg boot.

5 – I am as holy and pure as Mother Teresa (need I say more?)

6 – Finally learned to stop praying for ‘patience’. I figured out that the only way God gives it to you is through experience! (I think I am good for two lifetimes now)

7 – Meal times have changed (and change daily with no warning) Times currently are as followed: Breakfast 10:37am, Lunch 2:49pm, Dinner 4:03pm.

8 – Self-medicating from a wide variety of snacks is mandated between each meal (even if only one marshmallow or chip -> but normalcy is considered four to six).

9 – (Going with food) Breakfast must be finished off with a piece of chocolate, so I can smile all day.

10 – Since no one is watching…cooking dinner now includes pretending to be on a cooking show with a wannabe British accent.

11 – With the hubby not around to help: A clean house is only 5 feet tall….I hope to not have any tall visitors soon because I have no idea what’s above me!

12 – Getting out of bed is more difficult than ever. At times I hear voices telling me to get out of bed and go lay on the couch. (This must be how Joan of Arc felt)

13 – I have perfected playing the Invisible Violin -> I mostly play it when I hear how people ‘miss’ their significant others while they are at work (You know, those 9-5 work places I keep hearing exist).

14 – The best part about ‘drinking’ alone is winking at myself across the breakfast bar…depending on my mood I will sometimes even give me a ‘shimmy’ back (It’s only the polite thing to do).

15 – If you say “HI” be prepared to engage in conversation for a minimum of 20 minutes. (I’ve got a lot to say and my usual audience is under the age of 7 and have the attention span of goldfish)

16 – Cyber-stalking can now be officially added to my Resume. Not only does it make time go by faster but it helps me feel better about myself and situation because there are seriously some way more disturbed and stranger people out there. Photo-editor and online scrapbook-er can also be added.  (My deepest apologies to all my friends who have to look at all my glittery/framed/sepia/soft focused/ and overall Picnik-ed out versions of my photos)

17 – A perfect vacation while the hubby is on deployment for me is going into a coma, waking up with the husband home, the house clean, the kids bathed, and it’s my birthday.

18 – A pregnant woman with the blues has nothing on me. I bet you $5 I will end up crying first before the entire “Full House” theme song can finish.

19 – I’ve become such an insomniac that when I fall asleep, I dream I am awake.

20 – In addition to the million things on my ‘To-Do List’, the husband has been added. (Yea, I said that)

21 – Money well spent is paying for hourly care for my toddler so I can sit at the library. When dealing with deployment and single parenting – silence has no price!

22 – I constantly imagine what I would tell our President and his wife about military families and concerns if ever face to face….I sometimes even practice in the mirror.

23 – Rainy/gloomy days on the weekend no longer bother me. It feels good to know that thousands of others now feel just as crabby (and maybe lonely) as I do. I say: Equality = Success!

24 – A hot date is now down the aisles of the grocery store. It’s the only place I go with a reason to ‘get ready’ and use ‘mascara’ – and yea, the butter and cheese totally melt as I walk by.

25 – I have attained the pain threshold of Super Woman. Since the hubby is the only one that can sympathize and baby a grown woman crying over stitches – you kinda learn to just say, “Of course this would happen now” and smile. 🙂

~ Hope I at least made you smile ~

🙂

Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion.  I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward. 

 ~Kurt Vonnegut

Calendar Countdown

calendar

Halloween is over! Woo-hoo! Now don’t get me wrong, my daughters and I love Halloween. We very much enjoy costume shopping, decorating, and (of course) trick-or-treating. It was a very crazy last few weeks of October (thus why no recent blog post). But, I’m back and super excited that the month of October is finished!

You see, when my husband first deployed my oldest daughter would ask how long her daddy would be away – when we would tell her about 6-7 months you could see her heart crushing because to her 6-7 months felt like an eternity (which I could understand because I too felt the same). So we came up with our own calendar for when “Daddy Comes Home” to help our daughter better understand how long daddy will be away.

Here is Our Countdown:

Mother’s day (May)

Kindergarten Graduation (June)

Independence Day (July)

Family Vacation in Spain (August)

Back to School (September)

Mommy Birthday and Halloween (October)

Nana’s Birthday, Uncle’s Birthday, and Thanksgiving (November)

Her Birthday (December) 

And then daddy will be home for Christmas!

 

Yesterday was Nana’s birthday, so now we are awaiting my brother-in-law’s birthday this weekend and then just Thanksgiving and our daughters oldest birthday (which is the first week of December). So basically, my husband is coming home soon!!! (yay) You can only imagine how excited my daughter is. All she keeps saying is – “Thanksgiving is in 2 weeks – 2 weeks – only 2 weeks” and I know that really translates to: ‘daddy is almost home’.

And of course, with the excitement of homecoming around the corner also comes a whole load of other emotions too – for both my daughter and I which I will be talking about in my upcoming blog posts.

Coming back to my routine blogging from neglecting it for some days now, I feel that it still fits everything going on in my life currently because it’s as though a new chapter is being written about my life on the homefront. Even though the actual deployment may be coming to an end, I know (very well) that experience is yet to be over when my husband is home and that even more chapters will be written.

Until next post…

PS: Missing You On My Birthday (A Poem)

A candle is lit as I’m surrounded by love

Each one singing the traditional song

To wish me happiness and wealth

in the new year to come

 

I tearfully think of the year that has passed

And remember every moment that was oh so sad

The memories escape me of happiness and cheer

As I fear the older I get the more anguish I may feel

 

My heart skips a beat as they call out my name

It startles my mind pondering about the pain

I lift up my eyes and quickly realize

I have nothing to fear

For God has made my life heavenly and divine

 

It’s time to make a wish and blow out my candles

You can see in my eyes my desires are clear

All I want for my birthday is my husband to be here

Ridiculous and unattainable I know

But there is no way to discourage what the heart implores

 

A gush of wind comes from within

Grazing my lips to extinguish the flames

To end this year’s celebration overflowing with dismay

 

I yearn for my husband and I to embrace

Allowing the passion that has been temporarily displaced

Due to the distance that lies in between

But never allowing our love to cease

Continuously feeling like a riveting machine

 

I look forward to being with family and friends

Although I desire this day coming to an end

It’s not that I mind wrinkles or aging

I just not having my husband home

Can sometimes be enraging

 

Thank you all for the birthday wishes

And making my day special

I hope you understand

My whole day is not depressing

It’s only that even more so today

It hurts me further

That my other half is not present

Forever Young

As my birthday approaches all I have been thinking about is what another year means for me. Am I any wiser? Am I more experienced? Am I more wrinkled or saggy? Do I appear older? Should I feel old? Am I more mature or should I be more mature? Is time flying past me?

As a child all the way to teenage years I looked forward to my birthday as nothing more than presents, cake, and more privileges. It was a day I had the ‘license’ to do whatever I wanted! Birthday parties and outings were planned – every year out-doing the last. I especially remember my Sweet 16. I had an extravagant (Spanish-family type) party that resembled a wedding. I wore a big poofy white dress and had my cotillion in red flamenco-style dresses and the boys in black suits. My husband, then boyfriend, was also there is in his rank-less military uniform straight from boot-camp. I remember thinking that day I had became a real woman – 16 was the age of true maturity and independence – yea right! As the years past on, 18 was the last birthday I celebrated with the same enthusiasm I had as a child. After that, it was just another reason to go out and get together. 

Then 25 came and went.

That was the year that ‘age’ had a new definition. I wondered if now is when I could no longer be considered young or at least mid-20’s? Was it time to be called a late twenties woman and to accept that I was aging and had to start taking life seriously (or more so than before)? Yet, at the same time, I fell into the trap of anti-aging and began to ponder ways and ideas to manipulate my body’s normal transitions.

Women for years have been manipulating their bodies and appearances to come across as beautiful and young within their culture. Women succumb to many cultural traditions, from Chinese foot-binding, Burmese neck rings, African Lip Rings, Victorian corsets, to today’s anti-aging creams, plastic and cosmetic surgery, extreme dieting, and constant beautification of hair, nails, and make-up. All aiming to be the youngest, most beautiful, and sought-out woman in their community. 

You see, I come from a family of straight-forward ANTI-aging women. As a child I knew very well to never ask a woman their age. I watched my Mamita (my maternal grandmother) buy expensive creams until she found the perfect one, immediately dye her hair at the site of anything gray, constantly use lotions, and would hear her pass down secrets to my mother. The women in my family are always in constant worry about finding a wrinkle or gray strand of hair. Some more than others have facials on schedule, have nightly cream regimens, get their nails done weekly, never miss a hair dye appointment, get cellulite reducer massages, and even have had plastic and cosmetic surgery.

Basically, the older my sister and I get, the younger the older women in our family get.

My Mamita today is in the late stages of Alzheimers (bless her heart) but even with the disease her mind never ceases from asking for her lipstick – how is her hair – wanting her nails painted – and quickly snapping if you mention aloud she is ‘old’. I laugh with a heart full of love in her presence and I wonder if this is the future that awaits me – wrinkly, gray, saggy, soft, and in denial.

My Mamita at 81 years old

My Mamita, today at 81 years old!

I myself am in no way resistant to this anti-aging mentality the women of my family are infected with. I do wear make-up daily (cover-up, blush, and lip gloss at minimum), I do own a ‘pick me up’ bra, I dye my hair when I get bored of the color (which, actually, within the past year I have only done once), and I don’t normally mention my age. But – I don’t get my nails done, I have never had a facial, my lotion of choice is plain ‘ole Jergens, I only get a massage if my body hurts, and I have never done any extreme forms of beautification (such as purchasing expensive mascara).

My fears of aging are more in the lines of health and time passing me by too quickly and not completing my bucket list. We all know the saying, “they grow up so fast”, when looking at children. But I remember as a child, the days felt long, a month felt like forever, and a year felt like an eternity and now, within the past two years – days fly by, a month is quickly gone, and last year felt like yesterday. The older I get – the more I appreciate a second, a minute, an hour, a day – because if you’re not paying attention – it will pass you by.

I welcome my birthday as I did any other. Looking back into the past year I can’t believe where life has taken me. Last year, celebrating my birthday in Virginia, it never even crossed my mind that I would be back home with family and my husband would be deployed. I never knew I would spend a birthday without my husband. I never knew I had the courage and strength to raise my two girls alone – all while keeping my deployed husband active in their hearts, minds, and lives. I never knew that I would finally start sharing my writing and be out of the professional workforce. I never knew what it meant to truly lose a loved one. I never knew what it meant to see others around you begin to get sick. I never knew what it meant to be alone. I never really knew how much I took for granted. I never knew I would be feeling this way on my birthday.

Our birthdays are not about aging and appearance, it is about our life, our wisdom, our experience and that is why to the people who love us we will always be beautiful – even at 81! I look forward to growing old – because it will mean another year God has blessed me, another year I have my children, another year filled with experiences, and another year with my love.

I will embrace every wrinkle and every gray hair with open arms because they are symbols (or scars) of my life. Just this past year I have learned so much more about myself, my marriage, and my family – I can’t wait to see what I will know in the years to come.

I may never really aim to be forever young, even though I am partially anti-aging. All I know is that I will always aspire to be healthy and young at heart – and will greet life and its experiences as they come.

Tomorrow I will welcome an extra candle on my cake. It will represent my new wisdom, my new knowledge, and my new life (and possibly a wrinkle or two). And of course, you all know what my wish will be.

(Miss you beh, even more so on my Birthday)

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent –

that is to triumph over old age.


— Thomas Bailey Aldrich